It is very likely that the first times young people have sex they use alcohol to lose their inhibitions and lose their nerves. For some it is an extra help to feel more confident and dare more, as the English used to say Dutch courage (Dutch courage), and which refers to the courage provided by the liquor. There are even long-term couples who start to adopt the habit of smoking a joint before making love. “It seems like more,” some say. It is also likely that the user of Tinder and other dating applications, or anyone in the sporadic sex phase, uses drinks to make up for a lack of confidence and self-esteem, not so much to satisfy the other, but to stroke their ego. Or mature people of both sexes, without partners or divorced, who after a long period of involuntary celibacy will need some help, including Viagra, when they decide to get back into action.
Do we believe so little in ourselves and in our love skills that in many cases we have to resort to the help of elixirs? Or are we unaware that our body is a legal opiate laboratory, which is set in motion when we get excited and feel the desire to help us accomplish the task and experience pleasure? “There is a lot of insecurity about sex, and alcohol or drugs reduce this anxiety, this fear; and not only during sexual intercourse, but also before, when you flirt or seduce the other,” says Bárbara Montes Saiz, specialist in clinical sexology and couples therapy, and director of the marketing and communication of the Diversual erotic shop. “Many would consider it impossible to date and not have a few drinks, because alcohol makes you seem more fun, sociable and confident. But in larger quantities it is a central nervous system depressant and can delay orgasm, prevent proper lubrication and affect erections,” he warns.
The equation alcohol or substances + sex = more pleasure It is already so ingrained in the psyche that it is difficult to eliminate it. In most cases, in fact, it is not perceived as a problem or as an addictive behavior, but as a ritual already included in foreplay. According to Francisca Molero, gynecologist, clinical sexologist and therapist at the Centro Máxima in Barcelona, “People try to disinhibit, to let go; an essential characteristic for experiencing pleasure. Alcohol could help with this, but in small doses, since if it gets out of hand it will negatively affect sexual response.”
Furthermore, the expert also points out that many try to amplify sensations and to do so they resort to marijuana, which provides different perceptions. “It’s true that many women tell you that the times they disconnected and had better orgasms were when they wore a punctilio. But you have to be careful, because Abusing these substances can mean that normal sex, without those heightened sensations, can end up feeling a little caffeine-free, bland, without interest or quality. And, above all, they prevent us from feeling ourselves, because deep down we are afraid of feeling ourselves”, says the director of the Ibero-American Institute of Sexology, member of the International Academy of Medical Sexology and honorary president of the Spanish Federation of Sexology Societies (FESS).
There is less trust with him partner, It will be easier to resort to chemistry, rather than physics, to break the ice. However, this can have its consequences, because, as Molero points out, when two people consume, each goes their own way. “Sometimes they can coincide and this approach can occur; but the opposite can also happen, even that the erotic intentions of the first moment vanish and lead to introspection. Not to mention that consent disappears, it is much easier for risky practices to be carried out when contracting an STI, or even painful ones, since in this state the body perceives the sensation of pain less.”
The culmination of the relationship between sex and drugs is in chemsex. In this sexual marathon, which obviously requires certain substances, motivation, according to Ana Koerting, psychologist, sexologist and specialist in chemsex, he seeks disinhibition and pleasure. “They try to achieve greater physical resistance in sexual relationships, experience greater confidence, overcome the fear of rejection and shame in the sexual context, facilitate otherwise painful practices, connect with other people and feel part of a community, as a coping strategy to deal with discomforts or problems in daily life,” he underlines. However, beyond a specific experience, it is easy for the chemsex it becomes a dangerous habit. “In addition to the high risk of contracting and transmitting sexually transmitted infections, problematic substance use creates addiction, mental health impacts, physical deterioration, hypersexualization of leisure, reduced work or academic performance, and deterioration of social relationships,” continues Koerting.
Experience natural sex, without additives
When the chemsex It becomes a habit, some people begin to feel that they lose control and that the initial pleasure turns into suffering and addiction. “From there on, the most important step is to ask for help from professionals,” emphasizes Koerting. “Since chemsex touches many aspects of life, the interdisciplinary approach is fundamental: psychology, sexology, medicine and community bodies must coordinate to offer global support. With time and therapeutic work we recover self-esteem and seek healthier forms of leisure and connections, which allow us to regain control and rebuild lives without depending on consumption”, he underlines.
Without going to extremes chemsexFrancisca Molero’s studio comes to people who are worried about the need to use some catalyst to feel safe when faced with the prospect of sexual intercourse. “Generally these are people with low self-esteem, low tolerance for frustration, with a need and need for maximum control. With these characteristics, a context of intimacy creates anticipatory anxiety, which can influence the sexual response. Therefore, to calm down they turn to alcohol or other substances”, says the sexologist.
In terms of sexuality, we should imitate the new gastronomic trends, which propose a return to original flavours, with few additives and simple preparations using good products. Forget sauces, condiments, flavor enhancers and more tastewith which ultra-processed foods are advertised. Molero proposes “a desensitization therapy, strongly focused on sensations. Expose the person to different stimuli so that they recognize the most exciting ones for them. Reconnect with the body, rediscover it without the need for additives”.
