How can we encourage children to speak up and better identify potential violence that may befall them, especially at school? The increase in reports in after-school environments in Paris may raise concerns for parents. Release interviewed several pediatricians and child psychiatrists, who provided tips for dealing with cases of violence.
Although it can be difficult to identify signs of abuse, whether psychological, physical, or sexual, parents may notice sudden and persistent changes in their child’s behavior. “He was quite calm. Suddenly he became oppositional and very aggressive,” depicts Hélène Romano, doctor of psychopathology. A child who “eliminating activities he likes”, this should also alert parents, added Gilbert Vila, a psychiatrist at the Victimology Center for Minors in Paris. Other signals include: development of anxiety, eating patterns, psychosomatic disorders, and sometimes hygiene disorders. “When they’re dirty, they know they won’t be attacked.” explained Helene Romano.
Regarding sexual violence, author When life hurts children reminding parents of their child’s inappropriate sexual behavior. “A child who is frequently assaulted eventually develops compulsive and aggressive masturbatory behavior, towards himself or against others – for example pets,” he determined. Likewise, children can start it “match” traumatic in which he reproduces the sexual violence he experienced on toys, such as dolls.
Another red alert: inappropriate sexual comments, accompanied by sensory elements that the child cannot create. The psychologist described a situation in which a kindergarten student reported having played “Krambar Game” with their teacher. “While talking about the soft Carambar becoming hard, the parents realize that the child is being forced to do fellowlatio,” he remembered.
“Children express facts that concern them when they are in a climate of mutual trust,” said Martine Balençon, pediatrician and forensic doctor at Caen University Hospital. The question is not what the child said, but what “adults are able to hear”. Hence the importance of sharing playtime where parents are available and not connected to their phones, he notes.
In this regard, Hélène Romano reminds parents that it is important to manage their own anxiety, as far as possible. “If a child feels his parents are worried, he will often remain silent or minimize the facts,” he explained. He recommends asking open-ended, indirect questions about the general atmosphere: how was the facilitator’s after-school welcome? What games are they playing? Where do they settle? A seemingly innocuous question, but even more relevant “Often perpetrators carry out sexual harassment under the pretext of gambling,” recalls Hélène Romano.
If parents observe worrying behavior in their child, Hélène Romano emphasizes the importance of not scolding them, but sharing feelings with them: “When I saw you do that, I thought it was weird. It’s not something kids do.” He suggests using “maybe” to bring up the topic: “Maybe you saw it, maybe someone did it to you…”
For psychologists, the first reflex is to tell the child that “what you say matters.” Then, to reformulate. And to make clear the illicit nature of this violence, without using terms like “serious” or “gross.” Martine Balençon regularly observes him in consultations: “Children who succeed in the post-traumatic period of sexual violence are those who have parents who believe in them.”
The priority is “child and body”, believes Hélène Romano. The first thing to do is check with a pediatrician or general practitioner so as not to miss potential violence. Health professional “whom they know and trust”, explains Martine Balençon. Then the national education authority (school management, academy) and the courts, by filing a complaint.
Hélène Romano encourages parents to do just that “Don’t be left alone” and turn to specialized associations. A point also emphasized by Martine Balençon: “Agreeing to be supported in those situations also means being an actor in your child’s care.”
