On the occasion of the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, 25 November, reports, analyzes and testimonies. A folder carried out in partnership with Crédit Mutuel.
“He must be looking for it.” “He’s a masochist, isn’t he?” “To accept it, I am a masochist.” Psychological discourse towards women victims of domestic violence is still very strong in society and also in the minds of women. Clinical psychologist, lecturer at the University of Paris-Cité, Juliette Borras studies biases that make victims feel guilty and in a way prevent them from leaving.
Why, at some point, in an abusive relationship, does a woman decide to separate?
Often, it is the increasing violence towards his children that motivates his departure. Psychologically, this violence becomes physical; physically, things got worse. For young women, aged 20 to 30 years, who are at school, it is not too difficult to leave their partner, because they often do not share a place to live. But in more dire situations, leaving home often means ending up on the streets. If these women leave, no family will welcome them. Therefore, the first obstacle is vulnerability.
Psychological barriers are also very present…
There is always an assumption that women are responsible for the symptoms they experience. Young patients I see often say: “I would have to be a masochist to inflict such pain on myself”; “I definitely have masochistic tendencies to turn to men who are violent, have no self-respect, and accept everything.” I hear the word “masochist” in almost all of my follow-ups. This is key to understanding domestic violence. 19th-century psychiatry cites cases of Russian or Hungarian peasant women – depending on the text – who took their husband’s slaps as proof of love. This example has been widely used in medical discourse. Psychologists talk about innate masochism in women. In texts from 1940-1950, we already find this argument as key to understanding the difficulties social workers face in dealing with domestic violence. This ancient set of medical and psychological discourses has resonated in popular discourse, film, and culture.
Nowadays, these psychological arguments are rarely used but still exist…
A century later, the words have changed: we are talking about brat, the alpha or beta male that women are attracted to. In fact, the type of speech is always the same: they look for it, they make a conscious choice. However, these discourses render invisible the social and economic causes of domestic violence, its systemic nature linked to male domination. Domestic violence arises from gender inequality and is part of a system of domination. They do not come from a close family, even if they develop within this framework.
Often this violence is accompanied by feelings of guilt felt by the victims themselves. You observe changes in this form of guilt…
Thanks to advances in feminist studies and prevention, thanks to the extraordinary support of associations, women are becoming more aware of what is happening to them. It’s easier to talk about it, they say less that it’s their fault, shame moves away from taboo. Doctors’ remarks are also less guilt-inducing, because they are better trained. But this argument is still used, with the idea of women’s responsibility being unconscious. As if they were responsible for the suffering they experienced.
How is this guilt expressed in practice?
The youngest patients I see think they are able to overcome the conflict when in reality they are also facing domestic violence that is not recognized or identified. They do not respond to typical images of female victims, they do not necessarily experience physical violence, so sometimes they think that they are not in that situation. They may also believe that to some extent they are responsible for what happened to them and they accept what they experienced. This feeling of guilt is no longer the same as what women felt in the past who thought they deserved to be beaten because they were guilty. Nowadays, guilt is more apparent with thinking, “I was the one who chose him that way.” It is through this that guilt is expressed.
Do these feelings of guilt seem unavoidable?
When faced with violence or a traumatic event, this psychological mechanism is the first to be applied. Like defense. When an event breaks through to the soul, saying that we are responsible is a way to begin to understand a situation that is beyond our control. Therefore, guilt is a form of defense. There is shame too. Young patients do not dare to tell their parents or loved ones about what they are experiencing. Aware of this issue, sometimes feminists experience a paradox, a cognitive dissonance between their political commitments and what they experience in the intimate sphere. Guilt, a classic psychological mechanism, is unavoidable but self-blame (social discourse) is very avoidable.
The fight against domestic violence very short of resources. What urgent action do you think should be taken?
That means injecting money into public services. Psychologists and associations do an excellent job, but their support offsets the state’s failure. The government has invested in the My Psychological Support system, with reimbursement for twelve sessions. However, this is not enough to monitor a woman who is a victim of violence. Support generally lasts for two years. Following the CMP (medical-psychological center) model, there should be a public reception structure specialized in violence against women and gender-based violence.
