You would have to blame your friend if I were here now writing these two lines for you. Come on mom… I think I heard you. He said that when he walked at night and saw a girl looking back, he didn’t hesitate: “I changed the sidewalk so as not to make her feel uncomfortable. I understand that.” That reminds me of another story. Another man, another story. He just broke up with his girlfriend. He had asked her to meet him, once again. For the last time. His mother had stopped him. There’s no time left for the final meeting. These numbers are not numbers, they are people, they are women, many, too many, and more and more young people, who are injured, threatened, killed. None of this seems to concern you, because you are not that type of guy and never will be. It’s easy to think, “I have nothing to do with this.” But you’re involved in it. Here’s how you adjust. Because you are alive, here and now. You walk in a world where everything seems magnified, in gestures, senses and risks. A world where people stab themselves over trivial things, where girls learn to fear the dark too early, and a place where life no longer seems to mean anything.
You have something to do with it, not through guilt, but through presence. Nowadays, being a man is a responsibility. And being responsible always means being able to respond. This is what I want to tell you today, on this day when the whole world is turning red, stop to remember something that should never be forgotten. Here, I want to tell you that you are part of the necessary people, the people who can move the needle, adjust the trajectory of things. Sometimes, simply replacing the curb is enough.
When you talk to a girl, when you get closer, when you look at her, when you decide to make her understand that you like her, always remember that the meeting is not an achievement, it is not an attack, it is not a test. It is a shared place, a space built together. If a girl is happy, you can see it, if she is also uncomfortable. If he drinks a lot, believe me, let him be. If a girl says “I don’t want to”, “I don’t want to”, “not now” there is nothing difficult to do but believe her. Even if it was earlier, much earlier or a little earlier, he felt like it and wanted it. Don’t interpret, don’t think maybe he said that, but maybe he thinks otherwise. No need to elaborate. There is no need to interpret silence as a puzzle. A girl who says no, means no. And this may make it mysterious, complicated but not a fortress to be conquered. No is a fixed point, not the start of negotiations. This is not a challenge, this is the frontier. And respecting him is not etiquette: it is the ability to pay attention. To pay attention to the little things. Said or not. For him and for you. You also have the right to feel safe. If a situation makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone, not even to yourself. That goes for you. That goes for him.
You may wonder if you can give a compliment without being annoying, if you can approach without seeming overbearing, if you can be kind without being misunderstood. The answer is yes: as long as you want to see other people’s responses. May you be willing to stop, if he stops; to advance, if he advances. Hopefully you won’t have to force anything, not even a smile.
And don’t ever think that you are a bully in this battle because you are not harming anyone. It is precisely because you don’t that you are necessary.
The world needs girls who can speak up, rebel, learn to ask for help and say no to violence, but even more so to see boys become men who don’t raise a hand, don’t exert control, and don’t impose fear. Among them, more than anyone else. Because they are the ones who break the repetition. You don’t have to feel guilty for what you didn’t do.
But you have to feel questioned: change comes from everyone who decides not to be indifferent. Being on the side of women is not an act of chivalry, or a rhetorical exercise. It is choosing the world you want to live in. Meaning: this also concerns me.
