If just over a year ago the tradwives or traditional wives have driven the networks crazy with their content on cooking and housekeeping or towards their husbands, it seems that “having a boyfriend is embarrassing now”. This is the phrase that we continue to read in hundreds of videos that have gone viral, especially on TikTok. In this trend Users, mostly girls between the ages of 20 and 35, record themselves cheerfully boasting that it’s the best time to not have a partner and be single.
It all happened after journalist Chanté Joseph published in the British edition of the magazine at the end of October Rowing the article entitled Is having a boyfriend now embarrassing? This text raises the idea that now “having a relationship no longer affirms one’s femininity” and that “declaring oneself single has become a gesture of pride”. The social impact it has generated is such that some of the publications commenting on this scenario on the Internet have millions of views and are accompanied by thousands of supportive comments. But has having a boyfriend really become something “shameful”? Are we facing a real change in the way we understand love and relationships, or just another virtual fad? What is hidden behind this demand for singles? Empowerment, boredom or simple digital attitude?
According to Joseph in his article, heterosexual women give increasingly subtle signals of their relationship: such as showing a photograph of a hand on the steering wheel or glasses colliding during a dinner, there are even those who only show their faces out of focus and others who directly cut off the lover’s head, as does the influencer Spanish, based in Andorra, Abril Cols, which reaches one million followers on Instagram. “They hide the faces of their boyfriends as if they wanted to erase the fact that they exist, but without stopping publishing them,” suggests the British writer.
A movement of symbolic revenge
For some, this newfound pride in being single functions almost as symbolic revenge. Thus speaks Coral Herrera, author of Women who no longer suffer for love (Libros de la catarata, 2018) and professor at the University of Vigo, who revealed in a video call with EL PAÍS that he sees this trend as a way of saying: “If before being single was a source of shame, now it is a declaration of independence”. We are in a time where there is a boom in romantic love stories, marriage proposals or perfect weddings on Instagram, and this movement was born as a response to that ideal. Natalia Mayor, 25, sees it similarly, although from her everyday experience she insists there is still some social pressure, “as if being chosen gives status.” Despite this, she maintains that every person has their own times and that it is equally admirable that a woman wants to be single to focus on her personal and professional development.
For Emma González, also 25 years old, the life of influencers They’re already too staged to even add the term romantic. “I think it’s very difficult to create content for something as organic as a moment alone with your partner and this is, sometimes, once in a lifetime, like a marriage proposal, which now takes so long to publish Instagram. You’re not even envious anymore, you’re rejected,” she admits. Sofía García, 26, agrees with her. “I don’t like it when someone influencer He stops posting his work routine or photos with his friends to focus on his partner. I don’t feel identified, if I follow a person it’s because I like to see what they do every day,” says this young woman, who also believes that when a content creator suggests that he has a partner, but never shows it, she has the thought that he does it for “pure marketing AND engagement”.
“If you are influencers suddenly they fall in love, it’s like betraying your audience,” Herrera justifies. The expert believes that, in addition to wanting to protect a couple’s privacy, content creators may be afraid to show their love on social networks because “there is a sector of feminism that thinks it is a betrayal to be with men.” However, according to her, we should not be ashamed of our partners if they love us, take care of us and treat us well. “What is really embarrassing is having a relationship in which “You work as a maid, housekeeper, cook, nanny, cleaner, secretary and psychologist”, adds Herrera, who clarifies that the problem today is that it is not easy to find a man capable of relating as equals: “The love market is terrible and if you get involved with a very sexist man, it is normal for you to be ashamed of him”.
“My brain is feminist, but my heart is patriarchal”
What happens when someone assumes they’re single and falls in love? Feminist women have always felt an internal struggle fought between egalitarian values and self-empowerment without depending on anyone; to be workers; courageous and autonomous, but, at the same time, patriarchal history continues to mark decisions that have to do with couple relationships. “I always say that my brain is feminist and my heart is patriarchal. I can’t avoid all the culture that surrounds me with all the fairy tales, princess stories or all the romantic novels that I have devoured whole. There are many centuries of patriarchy,” explains Herrera.
This patriarchal and traditional culture is easy to idealize on the networks, even as more and more followers are fed up with their idols. “I was a big fan of Chiara Ferragni and Fedez, I believed that since they showed absolutely everything about their family life with their children, it was very difficult for there to be lies. I said to myself: ‘I hope one day to have something like that’. But in the end even what they had was a lie and I was very disappointed”, recalls González. Herrera underlines that on Instagram happiness is fake, not real and this causes a lot of frustration: “For example in single girls who can’t find a partner.”
In this sense, the women interviewed for this report believe it is logical that Joseph’s article has gained so much traction by stating that if there is a time to be proud of being single, it is now. “Having spoken in this way in a recognized media gives you peace of mind,” says García. “I appreciate it trends Virals like this help to forget the stigma of single women. There has always been the fear of being a spinster in the family or in the group of friends and this has led women to choose their partner badly”, concludes González.
From ‘tradwife’ to single by choice
If one thing is clear in the online ecosystem, it is that fashions change at a dizzying speed and what is a symbol of empowerment today can become a source of ridicule tomorrow. Recall that last year Roro dominated the algorithms and her food recipes for her boyfriend Pablo amassed millions of views. In this context, Herrera warns: “The important thing is that the girls are clear that they have to be consistent with themselves and do what they really want. Not what the leaders and the girls do. influencers. When you reach a real degree of autonomy and empowerment, what you do is live according to your principles and ideas, whether you are single or in a relationship.
While the trend continues to go viral on TikTok and more and more content creators join the debate from their own accounts, it seems clear that the conversation about love and being single is experiencing a real revenge against romantic love. As Herrera points out, perhaps true empowerment lies not in rejecting love, but in freeing it from the expectations that have made it an obligatory goal for years. Rather than brag about their partner or their independence, many women simply claim the right to decide, without shame, what kind of story they want to live.
