Director María Bestar says she does not fall into “restlessness” or lose “hope”. He has spent the last year interviewing more than 50 victims of indirect violence, as well as lawyers, police officers, pediatricians and social workers in this field. She herself has suffered sexist violence. Now the 46-year-old from Madrid brings together these testimonies in her first feature film You’re Not Crazy: The Truth About Indirect Violence which will premiere on November 13th. In the documentary she analyzes the attacks that the men who perpetrate them inflict on their sons and daughters to harm their mothers and tries to uncover the cracks in a justice system that she believes does not always protect and that allows violence to perpetuate.
Before arriving here, Bestar, also a singer, moved to the United States when he was still a teenager to pursue music, which he did for 20 years. She released three albums and later trained as a screenwriter and actress. It began with a short film in which he recounted the violence he suffered firsthand. It was called almost the same, You’re not crazy, and will be launched in 2023.
Despite everything that was thrown at her, she continued to move forward. It seeks to ensure that indirect sexist violence is not only identified when it reaches the brutal outcome of child murder, but at all points before. Meanwhile, the numbers collected in the documentary are already exceeded before its release: this year, so far, 36 Women have been killed by their partners or ex-partners and three minors have been killed due to gender violence, according to statistics from the Ministry of Equal Opportunities, which has just submitted specific legislation on this violence for parliamentary examination.
Ask. How did you contact all the women who gave their testimonies?
Answer. I was on tour to present the short film and people came to me to tell me their stories. And I said, “This can’t be told in a short film.” But if I make it fiction, you won’t believe it and reality is stranger than fiction. So I decided to make a documentary. And I started looking for professionals who would endorse these testimonies because otherwise you wouldn’t believe them, that’s why there are judges, prosecutors and police, so that we can see that this is the pure and simple reality.
Q. Why did you focus on sexist indirect violence?
R. I saw that there was so much wonderful material on gender violence, but no one talks about children, they are the forgotten adults.
Q. He says children are a tool to perpetuate violence.
R. It is the objectification of boys and girls to do harm. I think indirect violence has spread because divorce exists. Before, women tolerated everything, they were like a shield. But by breaking up with you, what’s the only way I can continue to hurt you? Through what hurts you the most, children.
Q. What cracks have you seen in the system?
R. The security forces do it very well, I think the obstacle is in justice. There are organizations such as the Association of Women Judges of Spain (AMJE) that fight for training, but there are judges who apply already obsolete laws. The law says that a child who is the child of a victim of sexist violence is a victim. Why is a victim forced to reconnect with their abuser? How can they give shared custody to men with criminal records, convicted men? I have cases of women who were almost killed by their partners and had to take their visiting children to prison. Why is a girl who saw her father almost kill her mother forced to visit the prison where her father is being held?
Q. The documentary collects many of these stories.
R. Laura (a victim) says the judge told her: “No, ma’am, you are the one in danger, the child is not.” In other words, you are in danger, but this person is capable of being a good father. It is such an inconsistency that if we applied a little common sense perhaps many tragedies could be avoided.
Q. What is the “truth about indirect violence” you are trying to tell?
R. People believe that it is just murder, but no, there are many symptoms of this violence that can be identified in advance. A threat like: ‘If you leave me you will never see your children again’ should be enough to say that this man cannot have custody.
Q. Why did you decide to invite famous actors like Eduardo Fernández and Luis Tosar to read about children’s rights?
R. They are great references of Spanish male cinema. I myself didn’t know about children’s rights, you think they are like those of adults. Same for everyone. But they listen to you, not the children. They are wonderful men, I insist that this is not a war against men, this is a war of men and women against criminals.
Q. Why did you decide to explain what plucking is?
R. I knew that custody is taken away from mothers, but I didn’t know that sometimes a child is forcibly taken away from the mother, it seems horrible to me. This is why I wanted to explain clearly what it is. I also explain the parental alienation syndrome, or the different violence within sexist violence.
Q. What did you feel when you listened to their testimonies?
R. It was very difficult. In fact, the producers were not present during the filming. The cameraman, the sound guy and I were there, for the intimacy and its harshness. It wasn’t easy because it shook me too. I had almost daily nightmares about it. But you know you’re doing it for a reason and that’s what gives you strength.
Q. It was his first feature film. What was the biggest challenge?
R. Select the material. Music helped me with this, being a songwriter, ultimately the documentary has a rhythm. Each interview lasts up to three hours, because when a woman opens up to you you can’t stop.
Q. Did you look for a certain profile in the women you interviewed?
R. There is no profile. Doctors, journalists, lawyers, housewives from all over Spain come out. You can believe it will never happen to you and suddenly you find yourself stuck there and can’t get out. Then if there are sons and daughters involved and threats that something will happen to them, you are blocked. The most important thing for you is your children.
Q. What can be done against the fear of false complaints?
R. Why would a child make up things like his father touching him? And if you’re making it up, let’s protect it, study it, track it, and analyze it. As the judge says, it is better to stop protecting than to regret it later.
The 016 telephone line assists victims of sexist violence, their families and those around them 24 hours a day, every day of the year, in 53 different languages. The number is not recorded on the phone bill, but the call must be canceled from the device. You can also contact via email 016-online@igualdad.gob.es and via WhatsApp on 600 000 016. Minors can contact the ANAR Foundation telephone number 900 20 20 10. In case of emergency it is possible to call 112 or the telephone numbers of the State Police (091) and the Civil Guard (062). And if you can’t call you can use the ALERTCOPS application, from which an alert signal is sent to the Police with geolocation.
