In recent months on TikTok is The ‘bird theory’, also known as the ‘bird test’, has gone virala fun way to test your partner’s commitment to the relationship. But what is actually behind this social trend? And most importantly, does understanding your partner’s health really work?
What is ‘bird theory’ and how does it work
The debate was reignited by a video published on TikTok by 30-year-old Layne Berthoud, which in just five days was viewed more than five million times. In the short clip, Layne simply says, “I saw a bird today.” Her husband, Alexandre, 30, replied curiously: “Oh yeah?”. And without realizing it, he had just “passed” the latest viral pairing test on social media: the bird theory.
Therefore, the test is simple and almost funny: just point out something that doesn’t seem importantlike birds, murals or billboards, with passion, as if it were something extraordinary. The goal? Observe your partner’s reaction.
If your partner turns around, observes, and perhaps asks questions, it shows concern and interest. But if he ignores, belittles, or becomes irritated, the test seems to indicate a lack of engagement.
Relation to studies at the Gottman Institute
It seems like an ordinary game, but it is actually inspired by a serious psychological concept: the so-called ‘offer for connection’ (literally ‘connection offering’), theorized by researchers John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, two experts in couple relationships. According to their research, couples who were destined to last the long term responded positively to this offer 86% of the time, while those who separated only responded positively 33% of the time.
An invitation to connect isn’t necessarily a bird: it can be a sigh, a touch, a comment, a joke, “watching the sunset.” The important thing is to ‘turn towards’ the other person, that is, to respond with attention, interest or recognition, even if the gesture seems small or trivial. The Gottmans’ main lesson is that a couple’s health is not measured in a single moment, but in the overall pattern of daily interactions.
Why virus tests can be dangerous
Despite its seemingly harmless nature, theory birds can be poisonous if interpreted as a pass/fail exam. “The concept behind it is great,” said Carrie Cole, director of research at the Gottman Institute. “We want people to listen to each other and connect, even with small gestures like ‘what a beautiful car!’ or ‘look at that bird!’. But Turning everything into a test can be dangerous“. The risk, Cole says, is placing too much importance on isolated reactions or “testing” partners with constructed scenarios.
From ‘orange peel theory’ to ‘princess care’
The ‘bird test’ is just the latest in a long series of ‘relationship theories’ making waves on TikTok. First, there’s the ‘orange peel theory’: asking your partner to peel an orange (although you can do it yourself). If he accepts it, it is a positive sign; if you refuse, red flag.
Then the debate arose regarding ‘princess treatment’, whether or not it was appropriate to expect to be treated like a princess.
According to Alexandra Solomon, clinical psychologist and host of the Reimagining Love podcast, this trend is reminiscent of the relationship tests that once filled teen magazines: a more or less conscious way of asking oneself: “Are we good together? Are we still connected?”.
The success of these videos, Solomon says, reveals how much we want to understand what makes a healthy relationship and find validation in our partners’ behavior. If the test goes well, we feel validated. If something goes wrong, we can laugh about it and feel part of a community that shares our frustrations.
In short: ‘bird theory’ can be a fun game or a way to reflect on the way you communicate, but it does not replace real dialogue. As experts point out, relationships are not measured in 30-second videos, but in our daily consistency in choosing each other.
