I have cared for my grandson since he could barely walk. We are a well trained team. I look after it every day so my daughter can learn. My grandchildren often live with me and we have a loving relationship. But then came the day that changed everything.
My grandson’s father and his father – namely his paternal grandfather – physically attacked me during the weekend handover. The father hit me in front of the child, the grandfather strangled me and pushed me against the door. My grandson screamed and neighbors came to help. Of course, I immediately reported – I was completely physically and mentally exhausted.
After the attack, I thought my father would be questioned. So that you realize how much violence is happening here in real life and in front of witnesses. But what happened was just the opposite. Suddenly I was the focus – the caring, protective, loving grandmother. I was supposed to sit in the room with the perpetrators eight weeks after the attack to get a psychological report from the family, but I couldn’t do that. I had a panic attack. It determines our fate.
“I will never forget her tears and screams”
Just three months after the attack, I had to give up my grandson. The reason: I’m commitment intolerant. I would “influence” the child and “prevent” contact with the father. I was not heard in court. I just got a call and was told my little one would be coming home with me today. From one day to the next. At least I managed to let me pick him up from school and tell him that. I will never forget her tears and screams.
My darling was placed in group housing, then with her father – precisely where the violence originated. I was barely allowed to see him again. I never stopped fighting for him. But those involved in the process are staying within their ranks and increasingly limiting contact. Today he is 14 years old, I have not had contact with him for three years, my mother since the spring of 2019. It makes my heart cry.
“I am not an isolated case”
It took me a long time to realize that I was not an isolated case. There are countless cases where courts have made decisions based on the same pattern. We report violence – and we ourselves are the perpetrators. We protect children – and they are taken from us. We ask for help – and the system abuses us – in the worst ways.
People mentioned “attachment intolerance” and PAS (parent-child alienation) – both constructs defined by the Federal Constitutional Court in 2023 as “unscientific” and not viable legal standards. However, both are still used.
Authorities seem to believe that successful women cannot be exposed to violence
Women continue to lose their children because they “disturb their relationship with their father”. Juvenile welfare offices sometimes have children taken out of the house by police at night. I now treat many affected women and know of many cases where domestic violence clearly occurred and then the state used this against them. Women first experience domestic violence and then institutional violence. My experience shows that the more successful a woman is, the more problems she faces with those involved in the process. Authorities seem to believe that successful women cannot experience violence and that only poor women are victims.
I ask Justice Minister Hubig to review all assessments of PAS and its intolerance towards commitments. Don’t allow violence against women and children to be covered up and even perpetuated by juvenile welfare offices and the courts. They can protect hundreds and thousands of children each year from being taken from their mothers – sometimes with great violence.
Recorded by editor Laura Krimmer
