Imagine that you have experienced violence from an intimate partner. They broke up. And then you have to deliver your beloved child into the hands of his tormentor. Permanently. This is what often happens in Germany. Tina’s case is one of many. Read the story here.
“I never thought that one day I would have to fight for my own child – not against his father, but against a system that made me the perpetrator even though I was the victim.
It all started in my time pregnancy. Until then, I was my partner’s ‘dream woman’, the woman he wanted to have children with. But as soon as I carried our son inside me, I suddenly became a ‘dirty cunt’ as he insulted me. The violence begins – first psychologically, then physically. One time he hit my back so hard that I fell to the ground. I remember him standing over me, laughing and saying, ‘Seeing you on the ground like that turns me on.’ Another time he threatened to crack my skull – preferably with the metal part of a chair. He would often grab me by the throat, push me or insult me, all in front of our son.
“I will destroy you professionally and personally”
When I finally found the strength to break up, he swore to me: ‘I will destroy you professionally and personally.’ At that time I didn’t know how serious he was. What happened next: He took my son from me.
Shortly after the breakup he moved to that front Youth Welfare Office and then in court – and actually got support there. There were reports that he had limited parenting skills and an impulse control disorder. The medical certificate also showed that our son had some unexplained bruising from the fall.
Tina gathered a lot of evidence – the youth welfare office didn’t care
Although the son repeatedly said that he wanted to be with his mother, the court increasingly limited contact time
The court acted unlawfully against me
Despite all this evidence, I was accused of turning my son against his father. I was accused of ‘attachment intolerance’ – a term the Federal Constitutional Court has now classified as scientifically debunked and misogynistic. But that doesn’t help me. The court decided that my child should live with his father. I’m no longer allowed to see him – I haven’t had any contact with my son for months.
I felt that the court was fully aware that I could take legal action against the ruling – and did everything to prevent that. The situation was becoming increasingly hopeless. I’ve experienced violence, asked for help, given evidence – yet here I am, as if I were the guilty party.
The pile of files in the case already fills several folders
Request to the Minister of Justice
My request for politics, specifically… Federal Minister of Justice Hubigclear: all judgments based on the concept called “attachment intolerance” must be examined. It’s about the thousands of affected mothers who lost their children even though they did nothing but protect their children.
I survived violence, but what is happening to me now is a different form of violence – from the state. It’s the worst thing you can do to a mother: take her child away. I demand that action finally be taken. Because every mother who loses her child even though she only wanted good things is one mother too many.”
Recorded by editor Laura Krimmer
