“I tried to be your modern wife,” sings Lily Allen Relapseone of the songs on his album West End girlwhich functions as a combative sonic diary in which, through the lyrics of her songs, the British woman lets the world know juicy and intimate details of her troubled marriage. “I’ve been trying to be open. I just want to meet your needs. I’ll be your non-monogamous mom. I’m just trying to be open,” she sings Not monogamousthus indicating that the reason Allen agreed to have an open relationship with David Harbor was to please the actor.
Although he made it clear that there are also some elements of fantasy in his lyrics, Allen’s new album may reveal what the rules they both agreed on were when they opened up about the couple. “We had an agreement. Be discreet and don’t be shameless. It had to be with strangers. But you’re not a stranger, Madeline,” he says in the song Madelinethus indicating that the actor of Stranger things he broke the rules. “Give a man an open relationship and he will still find a way to cheat on you,” headlines journalist Rowan Pelling in an article published on The telegraph in which he is frank. “The promise of non-monogamy is a lie because, as Lily Allen’s new album reveals, consensual rules rarely prevent infidelity,” she says.
“What surprises me about this case is that it seems to have nothing to do with open relationships, where the agreement is just that you can have relationships with other people, usually under certain conditions, because it’s not all good,” says Arola Poch, a sexologist from Wyylde. “Each couple has their own agreements and, in the event of a breakup, each will make the decisions they deem appropriate, depending on the type of broken agreement and the severity considered. The key to open relationships is to have honest communication, talk about fears, insecurities, expectations… It is important to talk before and after, evaluate how things went and change what is necessary. In short, constant communication is necessary,” he explains. Fashion S.
Anthropologist Helen Fisher has been studying love for decades and believes that while open couples have always existed, “they never work in the long term.” “They are people who want everything: to maintain the deep bond with their partner and have love affairs with others. And they want to be honest about it. But what they don’t tell you is that our brain doesn’t work very well to accept something like that,” says the anthropologist.
Eva Moreno, sexologist, couples therapist and founder of Tapesex, agrees as long as they are not clear about what it means to open a relationship nor are the reasons why they do it very clear. “Opening a relationship requires enormous dedication and having a very solid foundation to manage the complexities involved in opening a relationship on an emotional and logistical level. And for this you need to know very clearly what the motivations are that lead that couple to open the relationship”, says the sexologist from Gleeden. He makes it clear that it is essential that both members of the couple are one hundred percent in agreement in taking this step.
Cecilia Bizzotto, sociologist and spokesperson for JOYclub Spain, makes a very interesting observation: when a monogamous relationship ends, no one blames the monogamous model, while if an open relationship breaks down, it is usually attributed to openness. “Opening a relationship does not guarantee failure, just as monogamy does not guarantee success. What makes the difference is how it is handled. An open relationship involves working through insecurities, jealousy and beliefs about romantic love. If the relationship is opened to ‘fix’ a previous problem, or without personal work and communication, it will most likely hurt. But if there is a solid foundation, honesty and tools to manage emotions, it can be a bonding experience,” he says.
Bizzotto believes that Lily Allen’s case allows us to talk about the concept of fidelity in the context of non-monogamy. “There’s a stereotype that there’s no such thing as infidelity in non-monogamous relationships; I’ve often heard people say that open relationships are consensual infidelities, or I get comments on social media saying, ‘Aren’t these relationships just infidelity?’… There’s an assumption that sexual and emotional exclusivity equals fidelity, because in the context of monogamy, fidelity is about not falling in love or sleeping with another person,” Bizzotto says. “In non-monogamous relationships, fidelity focuses on other types of agreements that do not focus on exclusivity but rather on other rules; in Lily Allen’s case, the agreement was not to have relationships with people close to both of them. For them, breaking this agreement means breaking the main pact of the relationship, in the same way that in monogamy, infidelity would have meant the pact of the relationship. This case serves to question the idea of traditional fidelity centered on sexual exclusivity,” he says.
the movie Splitville it’s orchestrated around open relationships and how he writes Atlantic Faith Hill, although sometimes it seems like a continuous mockery of open marriages, ultimately the real problem is neither monogamy nor non-monogamy… But the members of the couple. “Whether monogamous or not, the film suggests, human beings will always be human. They will always be tormented by the road not taken; they will fight endlessly against the laws of nature and time, against mortality; they will never have it all. If they are condemned to dissatisfaction, at least they are condemned together,” he writes. the movie Together It brings the idea of the traditional couple into the world of horror by turning the idea of giving yourself completely to a relationship into a nightmare. It is not a ‘spoiler’, but part of the plot, to say that the couple begins to merge until they become a single person, thus entering the film genre body horror of feature films such as The substance.
Carmen Díaz, IT consultant, explains to Fashion S who in the process of meeting their partner, talked about whether they believed in open relationships. “I would say it was something completely natural. The rules are as follows. It can be something specific, but you cannot maintain contact with that person afterwards and therefore it cannot be someone from the environment. In our bed it is forbidden unless we both participate. And ALWAYS with protection,” he says. “What’s doomed to fail is a monogamous relationship over time. It’s human to have sexual desire for other people, and that doesn’t conflict with love and commitment to your partner and that future plan together. Repression leads to frustration or lies, and I don’t want any of those things for myself or my partner,” she explains.
“I don’t want to say my last name or my profession because my friends don’t know that we had an open relationship. I’m afraid they’ll tell me I’m stupid for saying yes to something I didn’t believe in,” says Sofía. “We’ve been together for five years and we had very little sex. He told me that either we would open the relationship or he would leave me. I feel stupid saying it but I accepted, even though I never slept with anyone. I did it so he wouldn’t leave me. My rule was one: that he never told me what he was doing,” she confesses. They are no longer together (“Jealousy got the better of me”, he clarifies) and by talking about the condition he placed on his partner, he outlines the perfect context to talk about the DADT open relationship model (Don’t ask, don’t tell), which responds to agreements within non-monogamous relationships in which sexual or emotional connections with other people are permitted, but without sharing that information with the primary partner. “There are open relationships where the maxim ‘out of sight, out of mind’ is imposed. Then there are other couples who establish, for example, the 100 kilometer rule, which within an open relationship means that, for example, one of the two goes away for a weekend with friends and can do whatever he wants,” says Moreno.
success story
A year into their relationship, Alberto Sobrado, a copywriter, and his boyfriend, discovered open relationships. He assures them that the formula worked for them. “There are two different planes for me, the romantic one and the sexual one, which is usually the biggest point of conflict from what I’ve seen talking about this topic,” he clarifies. “My process was long and very calm at the beginning, but it accelerated as the dynamics consolidated. There are people with a greater predisposition for this type of relationship than others and it is very important to respect our personal adaptation times and not want to run without being prepared to walk. From my experience there are some fundamental factors for all this to go well: communication, trust, emotional responsibility and understanding. The idea is that everyone is comfortable with this, both us and external people”, he assures.
“Open relationships are more than ‘I’ll have sex with him.’ Note that if someone doesn’t think open relationships can work for them, they can try to reach an understanding through communication. “Go ahead and try it and if it doesn’t suit you, just look for an alternative or rethink whether what you have can really work. It’s not bad to want to be monogamous, but it’s also not bad to want to be open or polyamorous. The bad thing is not feeling comfortable in a relationship. The rules are not immovable, they are not the stone of the commandments, they are removed and replaced depending on the needs of the people and the moment. “Don’t love each other more, you want better,” he says in conclusion.
