Raquel thought he was the love of her life. Instead, little by little, he takes away her freedom and autonomy. Today she knows: “It wasn’t love – it was coercive control. I told my story so that other women could soon realize what I realized too late.”
“I thought it was my fault”
“I was in one for five years Connectionwhich looks perfect from the outside. But inside everything is very different. At a certain point I no longer knew how to behave without causing stress. When I hold the phone in my hand – there is stress. When I joined a network on LinkedIn – there was stress. Again and again.
He controls me, watches over me – and all under the guise of love.
Small frame, big control
It felt like I was locked in a photo frame. As long as I stay within the framework, everything is fine. But unfortunately, I have my own opinion or contact with someone that he doesn’t like – then silence follows. For days. Withdrawal of love.
That’s the worst. I am very dependent on his care. It’s like Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde. He used to be the dream man who granted my every wish. And once again the thing that makes me cold.
This method is called “Silent Treatment”. This is a form of emotional blackmail.
Coercive control must be a criminal offense
The form of violence is coercive control. That is, if the perpetrator wants to control your life. When your partner suddenly thinks they can decide what you wear. Who are you talking to. When are you going where. Who can call you. What can you say. If you become emotionally and financially dependent. Then it is coercive control. This is violence.
He will stand up to you and make you feel bad. Saying that he cares about you, it also means love. But I’m telling you: It’s not love. This is violence disguised as love.
Gaslighting and social isolation
My ex-partner also told me that I was misremembering the conversation. As time went by, this became more and more troubling to me. Today I know that gaslighting is like something out of a picture book and is a part of manipulation.
He also isolated me. Pushing me from mine Family and my friends left. Until there was no one left that I could call and ask for help.
Sometimes I wish he’d give me a black eye. So I can show the world what he did to me.
“I will make your life hell.”
After breaking up, he finally took off his mask. Then he got really mean. He whispered insults like “You bitch” or threats like “I’ll make your life hell” or “I’m looking forward to the finale” in my ear.
Post-separation violence ensued. Psychological terror through slander, intimidation and campaigns aimed at turning people around me against me.
Today I am a hypnosis trainer – and a warrior
I still struggle with it to this day. But it was all better than continuing to be under his control. That’s what I tell the thousands of women I work with. I built a community – my virtual safe space for moms who are seeking separation continue to experience psychological violence. There, those affected can talk safely, exchange ideas and feel understood.
I also accompany Woman with a training program that helps you rediscover your power – step by step back to a life of self-determination.
Request to Federal Minister of Justice Hubig
My experience and that of millions of other women shows that coercive control should eventually become a criminal offense in Germany – just as it has in the UK.:
Because violence doesn’t just start when your hand slips. It started much earlier with humiliation, control, degradation and feelings: I no longer have worth, I can’t live without him.”
Recorded by editor Laura Krimmer
