When there is no one to grieveMinimum farewell for people who die without family
Those who had no one to care for after death were buried by the authorities, often anonymously. But there are people who want to do something about it.
Sixteen candles are burning in Essen Cathedral tonight. Each represents someone buried anonymously in the city in recent weeks because no close relative was able or willing to care for them.
There were more than 500 official burials in Essen alone in 2024. According to the city, the number of “official” burials, as they are called, has increased by about a third since 2015. In other large cities in North Rhine-Westphalia, several hundred people are also officially buried each year, as a survey by the German Press Agency shows – often anonymously in designated urn burial sites. Numbers also continue to increase in Duisburg, but development fluctuates in most large cities in North Rhine-Westphalia.
With monthly “memorial services for the disowned,” churches in Essen try to keep farewell events to a minimum. There are similar initiatives carried out by communities or volunteers in other places. In Essen, it was a working group of Christian churches that organized the commemoration.
16 people – probably not visible to many people
“They are unique and perhaps invisible to many people,” said Essen community leader Elvira Neumann at the opening of the service at the cathedral. Together with his colleague Gerald Kunde of the Free Evangelical Community of Essen-Mitte, he will lead the service: They will read the 16 names and light a candle on the altar for each of the 14 men and two women.
A sheet containing names and ages was then left in the cathedral. We pray together, sing and remember the dead.
Neumann and Kunde found the idea of people being buried without ceremony “terrifying”: “I would feel cold and lonely,” Kunde said. And Neumann added: “We humans lose some of our humanity.”
Church services were better attended a few years ago
There were about 30 visitors in the cathedral on this November evening – before the coronavirus pandemic, the number of visitors was higher, according to the diocese. Some came alone, others came in small groups or in pairs. Many of them had graying or thinning hair, but some young people also took part. There are those who are experienced with church service procedures, there are also those who are still a little unsure about their background. These services are equally available to everyone, Neumann stressed.
In the end, the two consciously stood at the exit and opened up to chat. This is how they sometimes find out why someone has come: this time too, some of them knew the deceased. They thanked him for the opportunity to say goodbye to their old school friend, Neumann reported.
Often there is someone who in his life leaves a trail of the dead – as a neighbor, an old school friend or a distant relative. To let them know of the death, a collective obituary notice appeared in the local press before the service.
Others come from pure love: For Christians, traditionally burying the dead is an act of mercy — regardless of whether you were close to someone or a stranger. “There are also people who come all the time,” reports Pastor Michael Dörnemann.
Against the oppression of death and disease
Neumann believes that the offer is also important in order not to suppress the finite nature of life: “Death, illness and dying are somehow relegated to the private realm. But we need to look more at these issues together.”
Dörnemann also feels the number of anonymous burials has increased compared to previous decades. As rector of Essen cathedral, he on the one hand hosted regular church services, but also conducted them alternately with his colleagues. “More people are dying because there is no one left or their relatives are not willing to take care of the funeral,” he explained. “Family cohesion is no longer there, the structure of the neighborhood has changed.”
Parents or children: Must provide burial
According to the country’s burial law, next of kin are generally obliged to bury the body. If there are no close relatives or the authorities cannot find them in time, the office will intervene – the family’s financial situation is not a determining factor, the city of Essen stressed. Anyone who is financially unable can apply to have their costs covered.
“In many cases, there are fractured or damaged family relationships,” the state capital Düsseldorf said as an example of why. Changing demographics and the increasing number of elderly people living alone and lonely with little social integration are increasingly playing a role.
For Dörnemann, as a Christian, burial at the request of the public order office without a funeral service was problematic: “I found it difficult: Then someone was simply buried.” This service is intended to bring the dead out of their anonymity and provide space for those who wish to say goodbye.
